i was able to see him today! i dont know why i feel so sad- that i feel the need of someone's company. it is true that it is so hard to move on when you are moving around the same place with the person that you want to get over with! i hate it!
i just want to scream from frustrations. i cannot say . i do not want to admit that i've really fallen. i hate it1
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
another open letter
*****,
its been two months that we are not talking. i want to know what you're thinking. i want to know what you feel everytime you see. i want to know if i still matter.
i try to deny that im nothing for you. i deny that you can go on. im hurt when thought comes that we are back to being stranger the worst part is that we cannot even look at eachother.
i wish i can just turn back time. and prevented this thing from happening. we should've have prevented this from happening.
i miss the times we laughed together. miss the times we hold hands. and just stared at eachother. i miss the stares you gave me-- though sometimes it made me uncomfortable. but id rather have those stares. than being so lonely like this.
its been two months that we are not talking. i want to know what you're thinking. i want to know what you feel everytime you see. i want to know if i still matter.
i try to deny that im nothing for you. i deny that you can go on. im hurt when thought comes that we are back to being stranger the worst part is that we cannot even look at eachother.
i wish i can just turn back time. and prevented this thing from happening. we should've have prevented this from happening.
i miss the times we laughed together. miss the times we hold hands. and just stared at eachother. i miss the stares you gave me-- though sometimes it made me uncomfortable. but id rather have those stares. than being so lonely like this.
i hate the feeling!
i hate the feeling. i really hate the confusion you're giving me...
i hate the game! i hate it..
i received a text again. and another confusion..
i really hate it.
i really hate
i just need to focus
i hate the game! i hate it..
i received a text again. and another confusion..
i really hate it.
i really hate
i just need to focus
i want to explode!
--- last text message i got from ANONYMOUS
-- " anyway time will tell kung kelan talaga kita dapat kausapin.. not now kelangan ko pang maghanda..okie, take care always."
so it that him? i really want to cry. i dont know who to share this with. i do not really have proofs - strong proofs to say that it was him ..
i might be mistakenly interpret all the messages!
he's not really man enough ! i hate him for that!
-- " anyway time will tell kung kelan talaga kita dapat kausapin.. not now kelangan ko pang maghanda..okie, take care always."
so it that him? i really want to cry. i dont know who to share this with. i do not really have proofs - strong proofs to say that it was him ..
i might be mistakenly interpret all the messages!
he's not really man enough ! i hate him for that!
venting out!
no one knows i have this blog. I have account in FRIENDSTER, MULTIPLY, FACEBOOK EVEN IN RINGO i dont know where else. i cannot put this in friendster because I know a lot of people will be able to read this. and i dont really want them to know how am doing..
IM A GREAT PRETENDER
im pretending that Im happy. sad? right? and i hate it... i wanted to open up. but i dont want them to think im weak. and i know that they'll tell me that i shouldn't be feeling like that way. in short .. if i tell them im infact affected with the things around the blame will all be mine!. and i just dont want them to know that while the "guy " involve is living his life here i am.. sufferring.. and stil;l moving on!
i try to mask the feeling but there's this one person that triggers all the emotions to bubble up!! funny thing about it is that i dont really know hu he is! how?
here goes:
few week ago i received text message from UNKNOWN number. = number that is not stored in my phone! the message was like all EMO. talking about emotions. love and how hard it is to love. or i should stop loving the person who i think loves me in return. which kinda" praning". i asked him hu is he? but i did not get the answer that i wanted instead he continued to shower me with those emo quotes.. i didnt give much attention because he's probably one of those trippers and i do not have time for that!
and then the day before yesterday.. he texted me again. but this time it is more conversational.
at the middle of the night i got a "hi" message from him. he rang my phone that made my brother came up to my mom's room where at that time im asleep. so yeah- i replied hu is this?
he did not tell his name. and i hate it. but he knows me. he knows me very well i supposed - and that made me more intrigued. with how the way our conversation goes. i had a lot of people in mind that im guessing are just making fun of the situation.
well to start of. TEXTING -- or more of anonymous texting is very much on the rise in my circle of friends. i dunno who would do this to me! but i hate that he's making me feel so lonely.
" im glad sa text nakakusap kita"-
" nahihiya kasi ako sau sa tagl ng di ntin paguusap"
i hope this is him.
yeah i miss him.
i miss him a lot
but i dont want to be transparent or i dont want to be the first one to come up to him and make PEACE-- it's not pride it is self-respect!
i'll see him tonight in the office. and i dont want to project a sad aura!
i want to cry?! i want to let all the bottled up emotion out.. but there is no tears to cry .. no guts to try!
as JOKAI once told me " you should first love yourself ice"
and i should. I must do that.
message to you:
if ever it's you. you are not helping me.. you just made me feel more frustrated. and if ever all the things you've said are all true.. then im glad that it wasnt that easy for you after all.. atleast im not the only one strugling. - ice
♥
IM A GREAT PRETENDER
im pretending that Im happy. sad? right? and i hate it... i wanted to open up. but i dont want them to think im weak. and i know that they'll tell me that i shouldn't be feeling like that way. in short .. if i tell them im infact affected with the things around the blame will all be mine!. and i just dont want them to know that while the "guy " involve is living his life here i am.. sufferring.. and stil;l moving on!
i try to mask the feeling but there's this one person that triggers all the emotions to bubble up!! funny thing about it is that i dont really know hu he is! how?
here goes:
few week ago i received text message from UNKNOWN number. = number that is not stored in my phone! the message was like all EMO. talking about emotions. love and how hard it is to love. or i should stop loving the person who i think loves me in return. which kinda" praning". i asked him hu is he? but i did not get the answer that i wanted instead he continued to shower me with those emo quotes.. i didnt give much attention because he's probably one of those trippers and i do not have time for that!
and then the day before yesterday.. he texted me again. but this time it is more conversational.
at the middle of the night i got a "hi" message from him. he rang my phone that made my brother came up to my mom's room where at that time im asleep. so yeah- i replied hu is this?
he did not tell his name. and i hate it. but he knows me. he knows me very well i supposed - and that made me more intrigued. with how the way our conversation goes. i had a lot of people in mind that im guessing are just making fun of the situation.
well to start of. TEXTING -- or more of anonymous texting is very much on the rise in my circle of friends. i dunno who would do this to me! but i hate that he's making me feel so lonely.
" im glad sa text nakakusap kita"-
" nahihiya kasi ako sau sa tagl ng di ntin paguusap"
i hope this is him.
yeah i miss him.
i miss him a lot
but i dont want to be transparent or i dont want to be the first one to come up to him and make PEACE-- it's not pride it is self-respect!
i'll see him tonight in the office. and i dont want to project a sad aura!
i want to cry?! i want to let all the bottled up emotion out.. but there is no tears to cry .. no guts to try!
as JOKAI once told me " you should first love yourself ice"
and i should. I must do that.
message to you:
if ever it's you. you are not helping me.. you just made me feel more frustrated. and if ever all the things you've said are all true.. then im glad that it wasnt that easy for you after all.. atleast im not the only one strugling. - ice
♥
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
been two months.
im not really dying... though i have to be honest part of me indeed died because of what happend recently... I knew it was coming.. but never did i imagined that it'll be this tough, this hard!
i see him almost everyday but unlike before... now i dont have the freedom to look at him not because im not allowed to but because i chose not to. It is so hard for you not to throw glances.arrghgh...and wishing not to be caught what makes it more difficult?! You share the same friends. so it is so impossible not to hear anything about him. not to know what's up with him... not that i hate it. it's JUST THAT somehow that sitch is making it harder. isnt that kewl?
i see him almost everyday but unlike before... now i dont have the freedom to look at him not because im not allowed to but because i chose not to. It is so hard for you not to throw glances.arrghgh...and wishing not to be caught what makes it more difficult?! You share the same friends. so it is so impossible not to hear anything about him. not to know what's up with him... not that i hate it. it's JUST THAT somehow that sitch is making it harder. isnt that kewl?
Monday, September 3, 2007
open letter
Hi! I'm sorry if somehow you thought my actions were a lil offensive-- i didn't mean it. and im really sorry about that.im explaining because i don't want you think that i did not respect you and your relationship. about the friendster account? it was out of fun. it started when we were teasing ***** about how good he sings. and we thought of coming up with a "fans club" since im the most "friendster addict" i volunteered to do it. it was really out fun.everybody was like " naku sige baka sumikat yan si ***** atleast tau una nya fan" i didnt realized that it cud affect you in one way or another.. about the status? i thought it won't be a big deal so i didnt give much attention to it. since all the people in our office knows *****'s taken. and it's friendster. so i just leave it that way, i didnt bother to change it.. and everyone or most of them knows that i made the account and ***** has his own. so its more like trippings lng talaga. and im sorry kung iba ung naging dating nun sa'yo.
sa voicemessage, ***** is a friend. and it is a simple greeting.i dont have to explain why i did it , because thats the way i do things. especially to close friends. ***** is such a gentleman, and he is not the kind who'll take advantage of girls. and i know you know that. kaya palagay ung loob sa boyfriend mo dahil alam ko na indi xa ung tipo ng lalake na mag tatake advantage. and ***** is so vocal when it comes to his feelings towards you.we know how much he loves you.
yun lang. im sorry talaga. i didnt mean any harm. and please don't think na im tyring to ruin whatever you have.. because i have no single intention of doing that. babae din ako. and im not like that.
sa voicemessage, ***** is a friend. and it is a simple greeting.i dont have to explain why i did it , because thats the way i do things. especially to close friends. ***** is such a gentleman, and he is not the kind who'll take advantage of girls. and i know you know that. kaya palagay ung loob sa boyfriend mo dahil alam ko na indi xa ung tipo ng lalake na mag tatake advantage. and ***** is so vocal when it comes to his feelings towards you.we know how much he loves you.
yun lang. im sorry talaga. i didnt mean any harm. and please don't think na im tyring to ruin whatever you have.. because i have no single intention of doing that. babae din ako. and im not like that.
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