IM A GREAT PRETENDER
im pretending that Im happy. sad? right? and i hate it... i wanted to open up. but i dont want them to think im weak. and i know that they'll tell me that i shouldn't be feeling like that way. in short .. if i tell them im infact affected with the things around the blame will all be mine!. and i just dont want them to know that while the "guy " involve is living his life here i am.. sufferring.. and stil;l moving on!
i try to mask the feeling but there's this one person that triggers all the emotions to bubble up!! funny thing about it is that i dont really know hu he is! how?
here goes:
few week ago i received text message from UNKNOWN number. = number that is not stored in my phone! the message was like all EMO. talking about emotions. love and how hard it is to love. or i should stop loving the person who i think loves me in return. which kinda" praning". i asked him hu is he? but i did not get the answer that i wanted instead he continued to shower me with those emo quotes.. i didnt give much attention because he's probably one of those trippers and i do not have time for that!
and then the day before yesterday.. he texted me again. but this time it is more conversational.
at the middle of the night i got a "hi" message from him. he rang my phone that made my brother came up to my mom's room where at that time im asleep. so yeah- i replied hu is this?
he did not tell his name. and i hate it. but he knows me. he knows me very well i supposed - and that made me more intrigued. with how the way our conversation goes. i had a lot of people in mind that im guessing are just making fun of the situation.
well to start of. TEXTING -- or more of anonymous texting is very much on the rise in my circle of friends. i dunno who would do this to me! but i hate that he's making me feel so lonely.
" im glad sa text nakakusap kita"-
" nahihiya kasi ako sau sa tagl ng di ntin paguusap"
i hope this is him.
yeah i miss him.
i miss him a lot
but i dont want to be transparent or i dont want to be the first one to come up to him and make PEACE-- it's not pride it is self-respect!
i'll see him tonight in the office. and i dont want to project a sad aura!
i want to cry?! i want to let all the bottled up emotion out.. but there is no tears to cry .. no guts to try!
as JOKAI once told me " you should first love yourself ice"
and i should. I must do that.
message to you:
if ever it's you. you are not helping me.. you just made me feel more frustrated. and if ever all the things you've said are all true.. then im glad that it wasnt that easy for you after all.. atleast im not the only one strugling. - ice
♥
No comments:
Post a Comment