i dont want to be emotional that's why i stopped watching tv bec it has something to do with confronting one's feeling and i dont want to confront mine. sigh- why do i have to be on this situation- i know that these are the result of all my actions- and the only person to be blamed why im here is no one else but me-


im praying that i'll have the wisdom to understand all this and to find solution to everything- im asking for God's guidance-

FRUSTRATING

how can some people cant seem to understand.... it so hard to let them understand that hings aren't the way it used to be- that "ADJUST" is the word- . it's just frustrating that you cannot make them understand that they 're suppossed to be partners- they are supposed to work together. they should undestand what eachoder is going through-- aaargh-

hurting

.. i dont want to think that im actually hurting right now- well im pretending im not- and that sux- yes it does.whenever i meet someone--and see them as someone i will share something special with i always make it a point that i let them know that i hate expectations-who does anyway. because im not good with disappointments.--its just frustrating that u've waited for soemthing to happen and it is within your reach and suddenly BOOOM- its no longer there- like a bubble- bursted after hitting something hard. to be more specific-(i actually dont want to be specific .bec im afraid "he" will learn about this blog acctand be able to read all the stuff in here which was posted before we became "we") anywaay--- i do not have work today until forever- so he is until friday night- so we usually would spend it together. but bec it's my mom's bday tom- we do not have anything planned for the two of us bec ofcourse we want to spend time with my mon on her birthday.so what we did was he asked me to pick him up after work that 12:30 pm, he texted me saying that his team8s asked him if he can have atleast 2 bottles of beer.so i said that's fine with me- so i went with them - i had a great time bec i know all his team8s. we were done by 5pm. He asked what else do i want to do - so i said i want to go see a movie (wanted by angelina jolie.) and then he asked me what else do i have in mind after that i said. i dunno- for me it was like come what may- wherever our feet will lead us. and then he was like "what? you still dont know?-- i've been asking you this since yesterday and you cant still give me an answer?"- i know what is it that he wants to know- he wants to know if we will be spending the night together or what--i honestly do not know yet bec i have to ofcourse let my mom know that i wont be going home -til tomorrow.


my point is--- we do not have to plan everything . spontaneity is a great thing- it wouldnt be like by 12 pm i should be here
by 1pm i should be doing this- and yadda yadda yadda. do you get where this is going?


we ended up not seeing the movie and both pissed. and all we want was to spend time together.